Toke Makinwa's marriage scandal: 5 Lessons to be learned

Am sure its no longer news to you that Maje Ayida, one of Nigeria's  fitness expert impregnated his ex-girlfriend of 8 years Anita Solomon,though he is married to Toke Makinwa , a popular  radio presenter and Vlogger who also happened to have dated the guy for about 12 years before tying the knot. The love triangle sure has a lot of a lot of years in between. Well, am not here to judge, criticize or on a fault finding mission. I just want to share some lessons to be learned from the cheating saga.
toke makinwa and maje ayidaanita solomon and maje ayida

R: Toke and Maje   L: Anita and Maje.  See their happy faces


1. Times have change: One cant dispute this, times are definitely different, there is now a thin line between what is wrong and what is right, that most people find it difficult to know the difference. Many individuals,no longer take  responsibility for their actions but quick to  put the blame on others or circumstances . Baby mamas, serial cheaters, domestic abuse, "father" of nations, side chicks and hoes  are words we hear often and fast becoming acceptable as part of today's culture. To have your status grounded fully as a celebrity you must have  been one of the above or have a near experience. What we consider as taboo or forbidden in previous times is what actually brings many popularity now. Many trade character for fame, lose their individuality for the "better" good of pleasing fans or conforming to society's expectations. Is marriage now a bond between  two inseparable souls , a purpose or just another society's requirements to be fulfilled?

2. Be always true to yourself: You owe no one an explanation for the choices you make about your life or how you want to live it, but I always tell people at least be honest to yourself and those who care about you. You can deceive everybody one time, but you cant deceive everyone every time. Toke went to great lengths to keep her wedding a secret,  the two love birds (Toke and Maje) broke up few weeks to the wedding which generated so much media attention, both even denied reports about the upcoming marriage . Surprisingly, we all woke up one morning to read news of their wedding online which both claimed it was unplanned and Just a spur of the moment thing. While others claimed it was a publicity stunt, many wished them well (I was one of those, Didn't the bible tell us to share in the joy of others). But to what purpose I ask, if you are going to broadcast an issue later, no need to ask anyone to keep it a secret.

3. Dont judge :  Only the wearer of a shoe knows where it pinches him, you can never cry more than owner of the split milk. I wonder who the anonymous posting and commenting on other people's lives are. A friend suggested that most are single ladies, as if single ladies do not have enough common sense, but I conclude they are just busybodies,lazy and jobless fellows who have not much going for them but delight in taking joy in the pains of others , not much happening in their lives so other people's lives provide the only entertainment they  have.  Imagine someone whose husband has 5 side chicks and constantly abuse and beats up suggesting Toke to throw hers to the sharks like she is ready to give her own husband up for her. A lady  gives up her virginity to a man she considers truly loves her, does it make an whore? 12 years of courtship and 8 years of infidelity is it a  prequisite for a good marriage or becoming a baby mama for a married man?  A lady is combining her career and being a good wife ,yet you blame her, why cant  she have both? Does Beyonce,Hillary or Kim (Your role models)  not travel or run a business and yet stay  married to their husbands? My wife is always busy ,is it an excuse or a permission for a man to stray? A man showering encomiums on his spouse daily or professing his love on social media is it  a license for the woman to take him for granted? If the woman chooses to stay, work out her marriage , stand and support her husband or takes a walk out , its her choice to make.  Nothing gives any of us the right to judge, because we all have our weaknesses if not the skeletons we are trying so hard to hide in our cupboards.
So what if Toke and Maje reconcile, become stronger despite their challenges , what becomes of you then? Do you know if they have  already sorted out this issue you claim is sacrilegious and you are the last to hear  but  your uproar will only continue to give them more publicity. Don't forget the more publicity they have, the more bankable they become. Think of how many times Chris Brown and Karrueche have broken up and made up , am sure you have lost count already.Unbelievably,Life has not stop.
You don't give advice like you have sure banker answers or  an authority in a subject when you are also in the process of learning. I remember when I was much younger, a woman will call me and start her sermon," Don't do this, don't do that, you young ladies of nowadays........"  I always replied her " Ma'am, You can advice, fine ,but you can only correct me if  you have a grown up daughter that is my age " Because though you understand, you can never feel what a widow is going through.

4. Less is more: Some say its a African mentality, but believe me, envy, jealousy, strife exists everywhere no matter the race, tribe or country you belong to. Before you put anything out, make sure its still the same thing you will like to see or hear in the next ten years ,but even if doesn't matter to you, then consider your children or unborn generation because their feelings matters  too. Who wants to read about the process of his creation on the internet and not hear it from his parents first?  Don't be selfish,it is not always about you. We are in an age that your family background and your life history can be traced and compiled with a few clicks on google search engine. You put everything out there, your first baby steps, marriage proposal, first sex, tenth kiss, sponsored trips by sugar daddy, first date with a hot dude, endorsement deals even before the ink dries on paper and you expect people to always be happy with your successes. Some are obsessed with  discovering the source of your happiness, find out what makes you tick and put a stop to it either by cunny, force or whatever. Once you have given the control of your life to others,influenced by their likes, thoughts and attention, they do not find it hard to take full control of it. Try to keep an air of mystery, keep them longing, guessing and wondering. It heightens their insatiable  thirst, but this time you are in control as they do not have all your secrets as weapons.

5.  Controversy sells: If you surround yourself with so much controversy, it may work or not work for  your best interests..Some say even bad publicity is good publicity as long as it keep you in the news, which leaves people to go any length to draw attention to themselves. Someone's misfortune , scandal, woes is food for others. So while some are crying or feeling let down, others are making money or laughing their heads off with comments of "I told you so","I always knew it will end like this". But the good thing is that whenever misfortunes or challenges come, you can separate the true friends and enemies from the pretend ones. Your so called enemy may be the one rooting for you while your supposedly BFF  is the one  spreading your  like wildfire.
 Remember what does not kill you will only make you stronger. I wish everyone the best in their life decisions . Just endeavor to make the best ones after much consideration.

I wish Toke Makinwa, Maje Ayida and Anita Solomon the happiness they all deserve,I hope they find it.

Also read
10 lessons from Linda Ikeji blog's shutdown
Aftermath of Nigeria's elections, Matters arising

Christina

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