The time is 11:05pm, you and your husband are having a quality time between couple just before bedtime, you going over the day's business, discussing and probably looking forward to a nice time under the sheets as well. Suddenly, your husband's phone rings, he jerks up startled, looks at you nervously, stares at the caller id on the screen and suddenly gets up, leaves the room and picks the call. Now your mind is racing, who called? Why didn't he answer the call in the bedroom? Several minutes later, he comes in, you ask, "Darling who is it?" No one he says, just someone from work. Though you know today is public holiday and no work today. He turns away from you, any hope of having is a nice time has been blown up by that single call. Hen you begin to wonder, Is he cheating on me? This is the one of many times this same scenario has played out in your matrimonial home. Now sister, is the time to wake up.
Yes your instinct is right. The truth is that your husband is cheating on you. I'm so sorry to be so blunt and maybe cause you pain but that's it sis.
Still on the bed, Your husband acts pricklish and irritated, So you are there just lying down consumed with anger, you can shout, abuse and chase a way peace, feign sleep but cry within or accept the situation and do nothing.
Now cheating on a spouse or partner isn't until you sleep with another person. When you begin to hide your activities with someone from your spouse it's cheating, when you begin to pay someone so much more attention at the expense of your spouse/family you're cheating on them. When a third party enjoys more of your emotions than your spouse/fiance it's cheating. That a why I said he's cheating on you. That much is clear. Whether he's sleeping with them isn't our business really as much as the principle is clear.
Now what I would do if I find my husband cheating? (If it was a fiance, of course that relationship dies a natural death) I don't know as I've never been there but I imagine I would do the following:
1. Talk to him. Let him know that I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IF YOU LIKE KEEP DENYING. If he won't listen, I'll write it ALL DOWN on paper. One way or the other he must hear me well that I know he's cheating.
2. He must know that HE MUST STOP or else this marriage is over. I CANT STAND CHEATING OR DIVIDED ATTENTION, I can't truly. So he must know from me that he must stop. It was his choice to cheat so he must make the choice to stop. I refuse to believe that I made him cheat in any way (especially saying I've changed or gone fat) after all he too must have changed since we got married and I didn't cheat because of that.
3. We need to address WHY he's cheating, that way I may be able to help him actually stop cheating.
Does he need more sex? He should say it, we can find a balance to have a mutually sexual life,
Does he need more attention? Give him
Do I nag too much? Reduce it or stop it altogether
If there is anything he does not like, the solution is in his hands, my dressing, then change my wardrobe, my not having enough time, then provide more help with household chores and kids.
Is it mainly his fault? Continue reading
4. Which is continuous and continuing, I WILL PRAY AND KEEP PRAYING. God says in the bible that the heart of man is in his hands and he turns it whichever way he wills. He used a gentle king to punish his own children even though he loved them. He used pharaoh to show forth his glory. He used a Babylonian king to provide all that was needed to repair the walls of Jerusalem through prophet Nehemiah. How much more your husband's heart? It's in God's hands and God can turn it towards the good of your relationship. But your husband MUST be willing to change too. God doesn't force people in as much as he produce them.
Sample prayer points
Pray to God to put hatred between two of them the lady and your husband.
Pray against the person that want to steal the joy and peace in your home.
Pray for the lady if she is single to find her own husband, if married , her husband should be enough for her.
Pray for grace to perform you wifely duties excellently.
A praying family stays together, encourage him to always have prayer time with the family.
5. If after all these he doesn't change...my sister I don't know what to tell you to do anymore. It'll now be a personal decision. I for one know that I will never sleep with him without protection from his side(whether he's sleeping with them or not I do t care after all how can I believe him anymore?). Then I'm going to GET A LIFE! That's what I always tell women, GET A LIFE! When the man sees that he's not your alpha and omega and you too go on girls day out or you go for volunteer sessions at a youth camp or so, he'll realize that he can lose you and often times he'll be so jealous when you're smiling and glowing and recounting your exploits and all the fun you had. By the way, whether ones husband is cheating or not, we ladies must have our lives. Get a life. Have your own personal thing and don't be too reliant on your man to fulfil you or make you happy. GET A LIFE!
6. LET HIM BE, Just leave him alone, you haven't done anything wrong or to be guilty, don't beg, plead or cajole him. He should be in the defensive not you. Feed him, clothe him, insist on protection to have sex, if he wants to receive her calls, ask him to excuse you and go pick it somewhere else,not in your presence, if that angers him, excuse him instead. When he goes out to and his calls and comes back, tease him that 'hows your girlfriend?' 'This call will be doing you totori now ba?' Watch his reaction, it'll tell you how far he's gone. If he goes on trips, help him pack condoms in his suitcase. Only if you are considering divorce which is in extreme,improbable situations,that you should monitor,snoop around ,check call logs to have record of his cheating details on hand help your case, if not, Let him be, he can't continue cheating for years, sooner or latter, with prayers and patience, he will be reeled in soon.
7. Don't be HASTY in taking irrational decisions, like moving out,reporting to all and sundry (patents, church members, friends, children, relatives), keep it between you two and seek for marriage counseling, if that fails, let your family members know but keep the information in close circle, only those we need to know. Never confront the other lady, call or text her, you are thereby acknowledging her and driving the man faster into her arms. The ladies of nowadays are ready to take on married men, baggage and all. Don't leave your marital home except domestic violence is involved or a life is threatened, that's the fastest means of bringing the lady home. Let him be the one to move out, once he sees the light he will come back home.
To me separation is an option when the man is a serial cheater. But I don't think that's the case yet with your husband.
So my dear sister , I pray for you that you'll have strength to pray. Know that the prayer is for yourself and not for him and it'll make it easier. Be broken before God and he'll do mighty things for you in this situation. If you can't pray,cry for him, God hears your groans. Prayer is not systematic, there's no HOW per se, just let it out before him then get up, dust your clothes and smile brightly!
So if you have a cheating husband. It is well my sis. I'm wrapping you in warm hugs.
Additional contribution by Uche