Lessons from Teebilz/ Tiwa Savage fight : How to cope with a more successful female spouse

  • Early this morning, we woke up to some alarming posts of Teebillz (Tiwa Savage's husband and former manager) on Instagram, the posts reeks of suicidal thoughts, frustration and a tired mind. Many see it as a plea for attention, cheap publicity while others see it as that of a man who has gone from love stuck to being stuck in a loveless marriage, of being a no 1 supporter to an ordinary backstage prop. So what went wrong?
In the African culture and am sure in other parts of the world too, a man is taken to be king and leader of the family, what happens when there is a shift in power, when the woman is more successful, she is seen as a threat , the man's ego is threatened, he feels inadequate as he struggles to cope with the change in status.

There are two case scenarios, for a woman that is ambitious, career driven and more successful than her spouse may demean her husband on purpose by her non-submission, words and actions , or a wife that is simply stubborn/head strong who does not know how to communicate/share their business goals and victories with her husband in a way that doesn’t demoralize him, though it is not intentional but that doesn’t make it any less destructive than the former.

Before marriage, you only have yourself to blame, at least you saw the signs and still went ahead with the marriage .What makes it worse is if she becomes more successful after your marriage. How do you cope with your spouse's new found fame and success?

Read more of Teebilzz posts below::


Why a  more Successful Wife Drives You Crazy

1. She is no longer the housewife/mother of the home but the earner/provider and chief financier of the family.
2. She does not wait at home with open arms for your return anymore or most times not even at home.
3. Her success is more consistent, far reaching  than yours. Her battle stories are better and more adventurous than yours. 
4. She is stealing your role of the chief the authority in the house, many people seek her advice first before coming to you.
5. You feel like her side kick and you just there waiting for her action to happen.
6. You feel prompted to call her "Madam" "Her excellency|" more often.
7. She has changed from the woman you married. The naive ,submissive young lady has now turned to a woman who talks back at you and questions your decisions. 
8. She spends more time with colleagues/associates, late nights on the computer, and relentless phone calls/texts.
9. She has more success changing jobs, switching careers, securing contracts while you are stuck in a rut. 
10. She seems to know all the right people, have the right contacts, more ambitious than you are, though you have also helped, sacrificed and given up so much for her to achieve the present status.

Common traits in a man  threatened by his wife's success
There are some Unhealthy habits you may develop if you allow  your spouse's achievements get to you:

1. Obsession: You can develop an unhealthy obsession for your wife's goings on, her choice of jobs, contracts, friends, colleagues, her finances, it becomes your driving force, what you think of all day. This is different from love, love is not envious or unkind, it does not spew forth bad words or words that intend to hurt. Obsessive behavior does not the other partner to succeed even if it means not succeeding themselves. 
2. Resentment
3. Frustration
4. Depression
5. Physical acts of violence against spouse.
6. Suicidal tendencies
7. Hateful behavior
8. Jealousy
9. Unnecessary quarrels and fights.
10. Inferiority complex: This is the most damaging of all, most men usually doesn't recover when their ego has taken a bruise, a man who feels his spouse is more superior will always see her that way, instead of taking steps to overcome this unhealthy trait will always see every action of the woman as a bid to undermine his authority. Though you cant bear to see her hurt, but you dont mind disparaging her to all who care on what a an evil witch you have for a wife. 

What to do:

1. Go for marriage counselling : Sort  out your problems with help of a professional instead of allowing thousands to give their opinions on what they have no idea about.
2. Continue to give her support: Be proud of  her achievements, her success will rub off on you, think of Okonjo Iweala, Hillary Clinton, Chinamada Adichie, Mercy Johnson, they have husbands who support their careers and dont give them grief about it.
3. Be financially independent: Women respect hardworking men more, even if you have a minor financial setback, the fact that you have are not lazy,. focus driven and have capability to support yourself will work for you.
4. Bridge the communication gap: Have a heart to heart discussion with your wife, make her see sense with your line of reasoning, Marriage is give and take, state your facts, draw up a wish list, reach a mutual agreement on how you want to handle future successes, achievements together, the publicity, the fame and more money. Understand that they are temporal , marriage instead, is permanent. That is if you are willing to make your marriage work.
5. No matter how rotten the issues are, NEVER put up your private life for public gist: Ask yourself if it is worth the drama and gossip that follows, especially if you love her and still will like a reconciliation, or have children involved. Reach out to mature  friends and family , religious leaders or mentors to help you in resolving issues before a total peace breakdown occurs.
6. Take time to know your wife: Type A personalities are strong willed and driven, they come across as overbearing and stubborn but also will see reason if you take time to understand and communicate with them. Are your wife's actions intentional or based on old fears, understanding of what drives her motives will help in resolving the issues that exist. 
7 . Continue to be the protector and provider: Nothing beats to continue to try your best to be the best.

Here's wishing TeeBilzz and Tiwa Savage finally resolve their demons and have successful lives together or independently.